Friends, it is with great sadness that I, today, report the passing of a dear, dear friend, a Siren, if you will, who had been my devoted accomplice for six long years.  Six – that’s longer than the average marriage, longer than Twinkies stay “fresh.”  And in that time, nothing – not Steve Jobs, not sneering hipsters, not even my achy left thumb – could persuade me to abandon my little, uh, “pocket companion.”  How she made my pants hum, how she stirred my very manhood to life with her insistent vibrations!!

“Take me – take me now,” she seemed to say, though I often ignored her, such was the degree of my selfish thrill-seeking.  “Finish me off,” I’d whisper.  “Papa will take care of you later, I promise!”  So, yeah, I’d give her some juice once in awhile Continue reading “Requiem for a cell phone…” →