Actual pre-election appeal to POTUS: Do you have my back, Barack?*

Barack — I can’t believe it, but another holiday season’s here and, with it, the iceball of half-truths and dirty tricks that are my in-laws’ calling card.

Won’t you send me $50 via PayPal?

Minutes ago, my wife Andrea revealed the text message that – without your help – will seal my holiday fate: “We [Lloyd and Harriet Goodwin of Clearwater] are getting ‘his and hers’ knee replacements,” courtesy of LivingSocial, on November 15. Before this revelation, I pegged my chances for a restful, in-law free, and home-bound season of thanks and Target/Jesus worship at roughly 95%, but the knee gambit has driven that figure into the low 50s – well within the margin of error for multiple unbudgeted and… let’s say “un-festive” journeys to Florida between now and December. “They need us,” my wife says, her eyes welling Continue reading “Actual pre-election appeal to POTUS: Do you have my back, Barack?*”

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Why “Best” is the worst closing ever…

Argh!  I know that they mean no harm.  I’m talking about all those well-wishers and normal folks out there, doing what they can to give some supplicant succor in these, the hardest of times since the Great Depression, by closing their letters and emails with “Best.”  It’s just the nice thing to do.  “Aw,” they seem to say, “things will get better.  Here’s a little ‘Best’ comin’ your way!”  And yet there’s something about it that rankles my sensibilities.  I mean, yes, it’s a better way to wrap things up than “Yours <anything>,” “Warm <whatever>,” or “With <feeling>,” especially among those who hardly know each other, and it somehow bridges the gap between the vapid safety of “Sincerely” and the comic devotion of, say, “Forever Yours.”

But it also, somehow, sounds a little dismissive, no?  Continue reading “Why “Best” is the worst closing ever…”

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