No Sex, Please is the true story covering the highs and lows of my very loooong virginal epoch, starting with a raunchy, unconsummated hook up in Dewey Beach, Delaware. The show tracks the touchstones of my sexual experience, from the blatant hypocrisy of my parents’ “white trash” obsession to my own quest for the perfect, Hollywood-worthy life (and wife).
Along the way, alcoholism, domestic violence, and divorce pummel my ideals, and I cope by becoming an uber-nerd and Star Trek fanboy. And although trailer park girls and sexy co-eds try to coax me from my geeky cloister, I maintain my chastity well past my 27th birthday. It’s not til an epic Halloween that I have my best chance to become a man. I’m dressed as a dead rat – roadkill – and awaiting destiny.
No Sex, Please was my first long-form storytelling effort and this feature, published in the Washington City Paper, captures the frustrations and rewards I experienced while creating it.
Praise for No Sex, Please
About Derek Hills
DEREK HILLS is a storyteller and playwright from Washington, DC. He’s notched over 100 performances on several DC-area stages, including Story District, The Moth, and Better Said Than Done. He’s also appeared in e-Geaux (beta) and Apocalypse Picnic at the Capital Fringe Festival, and debuted his full-length comedy, Prison Break, Incorporated, in 2016. He contributes occasional freelance arts criticism and essays to the Washington City Paper and Washington Post. His new play, Shopworn, premieres July 17, 2018 at the Capital Fringe Festival..
Prison Break, Incorporated premiered at the 2016 Capital Fringe Festival.
No Sex, Please premiered at the 2013 Capital Fringe Festival.
Performance Photos
By Andrew Bossi for Capital Fringe.
Derek Hills 
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