No Sex, Please is the true story covering the highs and lows of my very loooong virginal epoch, starting with a raunchy, unconsummated hook up in Dewey Beach, Delaware. The show tracks the touchstones of my sexual experience, from the blatant hypocrisy of my parents’ “white trash” obsession to my own quest for the perfect, Hollywood-worthy life (and wife).
Along the way, alcoholism, domestic violence, and divorce pummel my ideals, and I cope by becoming an uber-nerd and Star Trek fanboy. And although trailer park girls and sexy co-eds try to coax me from my geeky cloister, I maintain my chastity well past my 27th birthday. It’s not til an epic Halloween that I have my best chance to become a man. I’m dressed as a dead rat – roadkill – and awaiting destiny.
No Sex, Please was my first long-form storytelling effort and this feature, published in the Washington City Paper, captures the frustrations and rewards I experienced while creating it.
Praise for No Sex, Please
About Derek Hills
Derek is a storyteller, writer, and producer from Washington, DC. He performs regularly on several DC-area stages (including SpeakeasyDC, Story League, and Better Said Than Done) and has told nearly 30 stories over the past four years. He appeared in e-Geaux (beta) and Apocalypse Picnic at the 2011 and 2012 Capital Fringe Festivals and also contributes freelance arts criticism and essays to the Washington City Paper. He’s now working on a new play – a send-up of America’s extreme sports culture – called Prison Break, which will premiere in Fall 2015.
No Sex, Please premiered at the 2013 Capital Fringe Festival.